Peace and quiet at Cape Maclear

It seems like we keep bumping into people we met at The Mushroom Farm. And on our first morning in Cape Maclear as Claire and I were relaxing by the lake, after eating a lovely breakfast, another familiar face popped in. We had met Peter at The Farm during our second stint and had got chatting to him and his Dutch girlfriend Inka. He is half Scottish and half Malawian and runs a lodge called Annies in Cape Maclear that was next door to The Funky Cichlid where we were staying. A large man, with a large laugh, Peter is a very warm and friendly person and easy to get on with. Inka, who is just as lovely, was working as a teacher for some time in the area and was due to head home to Holland later in the week. We said hello and had a quick catch up before Peter invited us onto his boat. Him and Inka had friends visiting from Holland and were heading out on a boat trip right then. We jumped at the chance to get a tour of the area with friends and ran along.

We joined Peter and Inka and their friends; a Malawian man, his Dutch wife, his mother and their two young children, and set off on the boat. It had been a few weeks since we’d last seen Peter and Inka, so we had a bit of a catch up before the boat pulled in at some rocks on an island out on the lake. In the crystal clear water were hundreds of brightly coloured cichlids. This part of the lake is referred to as The Aquarium and for good reason. Fish of all colours were darting all over the place. We saw bright blue and cyan fish; yellow and green fish; pale ones and dark shades of green and grey. And it turns out that these fish, which are rather rare and endemic to the lake, are sold for around fifty Euros a go in Europe. The man driving Peter’s boat threw some bread into the water and suddenly hundreds of cichlids appeared and started taking nips at the floating food. After leaving the island we then made our way to another part of the lake called Otter’s Point. Here the water was equally clear and Inka went in for some snorklelling whilst the rest of us chilled on the boat. From there we went back to shore to relax for the rest of the afternoon at the lodge.

Cape Maclear is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. The stunning beach stretches around the bay and the water is punctuated by small peninsulas and little islands. The whole scene looks like something from a postcard, especially as the sun begins to set across the lake. The light breeze from the lake hits you in the face and momentarily cools you down from the baking sun above. It’s tranquil, and it’s the perfect place to unwind for a few days. And unwind we did. We spent a lot of time relaxing and reading and went for some leisurely strolls down the beach. On one of these walks we came across some young lads who were in a band. On their board it said ‘The Real Westlife’. We didn’t get to hear their music, but hopefully it was better than the other real Westlife’s output. Randomly we have actually seen quite a lot of Westlife on the televisions out here, it would seem that they are still incredibly popular.

On the coach trips we’ve taken there have often been televisions showing the music channel. You’re presented with music videos from a range of artists including local Malawian singers, American country music and for some reason Westlife. Aesthetically speaking there is a drastic difference between the Westlife music videos and the local Malawian ones and other ones from east and southern Africa. The local videos are full of guys showing off their money, flash cars and luxurious houses. They also almost always feature women being either accosted and slapped on the arse, or others in skimpy clothes dancing provocatively. The entire video is often a real attack on your senses and your sensibilities. Scantily clad women and fast cars and loud music then gives way to five Irish guys from the 90s with awful hair looking sad and singing in a dimly lit warehouse with fake rain pouring over them. It makes you wonder what the locals think guys are like back home. If the music videos are anything to go by then the Malawian men thrust themselves at women, waving wads of cash at them until they’re seduced, whereas back in Europe we just look morose and sing sadly about our unrequited love. And, another thing worth mentioning whilst I am here on the subject of Westlife is the lyrics. Often these music videos will have the subtitles on, so you get to read the lyrics as you go. And the lyrics to these songs are so drab, so obvious and lacking in any real creativity that it makes you wonder how anyone ever wrote them. But I cannot be too harsh on Westlife, in their day they did have more UK chart number ones than Michael Jackson, ABBA, The Rolling Stones, Oasis, Elton John and everyone else except The Beatles, Elvis and Cliff Richard.

The Funky Cichlid bar was right by this gorgeous beach and had a TV showing the games from Euro 2016. So, it was there that Claire and I watched England get unceremoniously dumped out of the competition by plucky little Iceland. Deep down we knew that Iceland had a chance, but we never actually expected to lose in 90 minutes. I was expecting a dreadful 0-0 followed by a defeat in penalties, but England managed to do worse than my already low expectations. We watched the game with a bunch of local guys and a Canadian we met called Andreas. No one could quite believe it. When the final whistle sounded, and our nation was plunged for the second time into deep despair, we departed and went to bed.